Getting Started

This isn't legal advice — but here's the general lay of the land so you know what to expect and what to ask your attorney.

• ✓Locate and secure copies of your divorce decree and separation agreement
• ✓Update your will, power of attorney, and healthcare proxy
• ✓Change beneficiaries on life insurance, 401(k), and IRA accounts
• ✓Update the title on any vehicles and real estate you now own solo
• ✓Notify Social Security if you're eligible for spousal benefits (10+ year marriage)
• ✓Understand your QDRO (Qualified Domestic Relations Order) if retirement accounts were split
• ✓Keep a folder — digital or physical — of every legal document from the divorce

Your financial life just changed significantly. Here's how to get a clear picture and build on solid ground.

• ✓Open solo checking and savings accounts if you haven't already
• ✓Close or remove yourself from joint accounts and credit cards
• ✓Pull your credit report (free at AnnualCreditReport.com) — know your score
• ✓Create a new solo budget based on your actual income and expenses
• ✓Set up automatic savings, even a small amount — the habit matters
• ✓Review your tax filing status — you may now file as Head of Household
• ✓If you received the house: understand the ongoing costs (mortgage, taxes, maintenance)
• ✓Consider a one-time consultation with a fee-only financial advisor

Whether you kept the house, moved out, or are starting completely fresh — here's what to tackle in the first few months.

• ✓Update your address with USPS, your employer, the DMV, and financial institutions
• ✓Get renter's or homeowner's insurance in your name only
• ✓Change the locks if you're staying in the marital home
• ✓Assess the true cost of keeping the house vs. selling — run the real numbers
• ✓If renting: check your lease for what utilities and fees are included
• ✓Build a small emergency fund for unexpected home repairs
• ✓Make the space yours — even small changes help it feel like home

Co-parenting is one of the hardest parts — and one of the most important. These basics help protect your kids and your sanity.

• ✓Follow your custody agreement exactly, especially early on — consistency builds trust
• ✓Use a shared calendar app (Cozi, OurFamilyWizard) to reduce miscommunication
• ✓Keep kids out of adult conflict — never use them as messengers or ask them to take sides
• ✓Establish transition routines so kids know what to expect at handoffs
• ✓Document any co-parenting concerns in writing (email or app), not verbally
• ✓Build your own support network so you're not leaning on the kids for emotional support
• ✓Consider a co-parenting counselor if communication is consistently difficult

Divorce often reshapes your social world. Building a life that's genuinely yours takes time — and it's worth it.

• ✓Reconnect with friends you may have drifted from during the marriage
• ✓Say yes to at least one social invitation per week, even when you don't feel like it
• ✓Try one new activity that wasn't 'yours' in the marriage
• ✓Look for local divorce support groups (many are free through churches, hospitals, etc.)
• ✓Consider Meetup groups around interests you already have
• ✓It's okay to grieve the social life you had — and to build a better one
• ✓Be honest with close friends: 'I'm going through a hard time and could use support'

This isn't about bubble baths (unless that's your thing). It's about the basics that keep you functional and moving forward.

• ✓Protect your sleep — this is the single highest-leverage thing you can do
• ✓Move your body in some form every day, even a 20-minute walk counts
• ✓Eat real meals at regular times; grief often kills appetite or triggers overeating
• ✓Limit alcohol — it's a depressant and common coping fallback post-divorce
• ✓Journal for 10 minutes a day: what happened, how you felt, what you're grateful for
• ✓Identify one thing per week that you're genuinely looking forward to
• ✓Give yourself permission to have bad days without letting them define the week

Therapy isn't for people who are broken. It's for people going through something hard who want skilled support — which sounds exactly like right now.

• ✓Consider therapy if: you're struggling to function, stuck in grief/anger, or it's affecting your kids
• ✓Types to know: individual therapy, divorce-specific groups, and EMDR for trauma
• ✓Start with your insurance's 'find a provider' tool or call member services
• ✓Psychology Today's therapist finder filters by specialty, insurance, and cost
• ✓Many therapists offer sliding scale fees — always ask
• ✓Open Path Collective offers sessions for $30–$80 if cost is a barrier
• ✓Give a therapist at least 3 sessions before deciding if it's a fit